


(the gift) That Keeps on Giving

by Shaddyr



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 17:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaddyr/pseuds/Shaddyr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeannie sends Rodney a gift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(the gift) That Keeps on Giving

**Author's Note:**

  * For [outsideth3box](https://archiveofourown.org/users/outsideth3box/gifts).



> Christmas Prezzie for outsideth3box. Because she is made of awesome and unicorns and stuff like that. So, I sent her a box with a bunch of stuff in it and I had to explain *why* I sent all the ~~crap~~ interesting items I included. I decided that the boys could help tell that story.

John was just about to grab lunch when Corporal Dobbs came walking into the mess pushing a large dolly with several containers on it.

"MAIL CALL!" he shouted, and suddenly, half the cafeteria had migrated over and surrounded him.

John smiled at the sudden buzz of activity. It was the first mail call since they'd gotten back to Pegasus a few months ago. Even though they had weekly check-ins with the SGC, getting a letter or package in the mail delivery that came in on the Daedalus held a special kind of excitement for the military and civilian personal alike. He grabbed a sandwich – they only had not-quite-chicken, but it was close enough – and refilled his coffee before heading back out.

"Colonel Sheppard!" called out a voice and he stopped and looked over his shoulder. It was Dobbs.

"What can I do for you, Corporal?"

Dobbs held out a brown, cardboard box, and John had to put down his coffee to take it. He looked at the label; it was addressed to Rodney, with a return address of the Millers in Vancouver.

"Uhm," he began puzzled, but Dobbs cut him off.

"I tried calling him, sir, but he said something about flying monkeys and death rays and – well, sir, I'd really rather tangle with a Wraith than piss off Dr. McKay. I have to live in the same city with Dr. McKay."

John laughed out loud. "Alright, Corporal, I'll play Pony Express, just this once," he agreed with a chuckle. "But if he gets any other mail, you’re on your own."

"Yes, sir, thank you sir," Dobbs said gratefully, then beat a strategic retreat before John could change his mind.

John tucked the parcel under his arm and picked up his coffee. He had some paperwork to finish up – over 5 years fighting Wraith and everything else the Pegasus galaxy had to throw at them, and it was going to be the paperwork that killed him – and then he'd go find Rodney.

 

***

"I understand that you have something that belongs to me."

John looked up and blinked in surprise. Rodney was standing in the entrance to his office, arms crossed, and a crabby look on his face. He glanced down at his watch and realized that several hours had passed and he still had a mountain of reviews to finish.

He slumped back in his chair with a sigh. "Yeah," he agreed, pushing the box across the desk to sit beckoningly in front of Rodney. "Sorry, I was going to bring it to you but – "

"Yeah, likely story," Rodney snarked, but there was no heat in it. He pulled up a chair and sat down across from John, picking of the parcel to rip off the tape sealing it shut. "Jeannie never said anything about sending a package," he said.

"Well, maybe it was a supposed to be a surprise," John said, peering over as Rodney opened the box and picked up the letter sitting on the top. He waited a moment as Rodney scanned the letter, cocking an eyebrow at him when he started to splutter. It wouldn't be a McKay/Miller moment if Rodney wasn't having some kind of conniption because Jeannie was needling him, and it really was rather amusing to watch the sparks fly, but John wisely kept that opinion to himself. "So?" he asked.

"She's haranguing me for hoarding everything and ordering me to share with the team," he groused. "If it's my package, I should be able to hoard it if I want to." He let out a huff. "And there are specific instructions." He handed the letter to John as he started to unearth the items in the box.

"One tin of assorted cookies – 100% citrus free," John read off the list in the letter.

"Well, these are mine," Rodney declared, pulling out the colourful, winter themed tin and prying the lid off. He dug through the layers of wax paper to reveal the cookies beneath. "Oh! I love these," he proclaimed, popping one in his mouth. He closed his eyes, moaning in pleasure as he chewed and John watched, helplessly enthralled by the sight. He squirmed in his chair and dragged his eyes back to the list as he attempted to will down his burgeoning hard-on.

"You better share them," John warned, proud at how even his tone was. "Or next time we see Jeannie and she asks Teyla what she thought of the cookies, you're going to be in trouble with both of them."

Rodney scowled and held the tin towards John, who reached in and snagged a roundish soft cookie covered in white powder. "What is this anyway?" he asked as he bit into it. It was rich and buttery with a nutty flavour, but not too sweet.

"Russian Tea Cakes," Rodney said as he secured the lid back on the tin. "And fine, I'll share some of them, but I am NOT sharing the Toblerone shortbread!"

John just smirked, then moved to the next item on the list. "Beeswax soap?"

"Oh!" Rodney said, picking up the little plastic case with some bath items and a bar of soap in it. "This is the best soap," he said as he pulled it out and sniffed it. "Doesn't dry out your skin, leaves you feeling soft without the scummy residue - and she's got a bath puff and a pumice stone in here, too!"

"Didn't know you were such a tender flower," John teased, earning a glare.

"I have very sensitive skin!" he exclaimed. "You know this! I've been saying it for years!"

John ignored him. "Whatever, Princess," he said as he moved down the list. He let out a laugh.

"What?"

"Jeannie sent you the closest thing she could find to a ZPM," he said, then chuckled as Rodney dug frantically only to stop suddenly, his mouth twisting into a frown. He pulled out a light bulb that looked like it was made of stained glass. "She's hysterical."

"You gotta admit, that's pretty funny, McKay."

"I admit nothing," he sniffed. "What's next?"

John moved to the next item. "Ha!" he exclaimed. "Candy – and it's not for you!"

"What?" Rodney asked, spotting a blue plastic container with a couple of Ziploc bags in it. He snatched it up and pried it open.

"Yup," John continued, "There is chocolate peppermint bark, almond cranberry bark and a little bag of candied citrus peel," he said, grinning as Rodney yelped and dropped the plastic container back in the box.

"Is she trying to kill me?" he demanded.

"No," said John, leaning forward to grab the container and look at the bags inside. There were three – two with broken pieces of chocolate bark, and one with thin strips of what appeared to be orange, lemon and lime peels crusted with sugar. "She packed it in a bag and then in a separate container so it wouldn't contaminate anything else."

"But – but it was packed with the chocolate bark! I love peppermint chocolate bark! I can't take a chance it might have been in contact with it!" he whined.

"Actually, buddy, I'm thinking that she probably did that because she knew you wouldn't share the Tobleron cookies."

"How would you know what Jeannie was thinking?"

John pointed at the letter. "Cuz it says right here she packed the peels with the chocolate because, and I quote – 'you're a chocolate hog, Rodney and since you won't share the Toblerone, you're going to share the bark, so quit your whining'."

Rodney yanked the letter from John's fingers and scanned down to that part. "Oh, she's so off my Christmas list!"

"You have a Christmas list?"

"Shut UP, that's so NOT the point."

"I kinda think it is-"

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Rodney interrupted and rolled his eyes. "Okay, let's see – ah. There's a package of glitter – from Maddy, for Torren," he said, then made a face. "I think Torren is a little young for crafts yet." He turned to look at John. "Hey, you could always decorate you quarters with it, add a few touches of glitter to makes things coordinate with your sparkly curtains!"

John flipped him off and Rodney just snorted. "At least she sent something useful as well," he said pulling out the red sharpie. "My minions keep stealing these! I requisition them by the case, but they vanish into the aether. I swear, I'm going to implant them with tiny microchips, track down the culprits and assign them all to desalinization tank maintenance."

John's eyes glanced briefly to the desk drawer in which he had at least three of Rodney's precious sharpies. He made a mental note to ditch them at first opportunity.

"And –this appears to be for you," Rodney said dubiously, handing John a pen on a lanyard. John took the it, then cracked up laughing after he had a better look at it. The pen was black, but covered in yellow happy faces.

"Cool," John said as he slipped it over his head. "You can't steal this one," he said smugly.

Rodney ignored him, continuing to read the letter and John peered into the box. He raised an eyebrow as he fished out a string of gold beads. "Are these for playing dress-up, McKay?"

Rodney glanced up then blushed furiously as he yanked them out of John's hand. "I am so making her pay for that!"

John grinned. "Oh, I think I need to hear this story. Either you can tell me, or Jeannie can tell me – choose now and be prepared to live with the consequences.

He watched Rodney agonize over which option would be the least painful and finally decide on giving up the story himself. "I might have gone to Mardi Gras - when I was much younger - and I may have brought Jeannie some beads, since she liked playing dress up at that time. And, there is a slim chance that she might have a Polaroid of me with some friends, decked out in said beads, with our crazy 80's hair and eye liner, when I might have been drunk off my ass." He pinched the bridge of his nose and whined. "She promised me these would never see the light of day!"

Rodney was bright red, and John decided that he should probably let the fallout settle a bit before taunting him with that one. And somehow, he needed to get a copy of that Polaroid. Rodney cleared his throat in an obvious ploy to change the subject and John let it drop.

"So, what's next?"

"Hmm, a couple of binder clips, also from Maddy –"

"Ah, that would explain the pretty, floral patterns then," John said.

"A notebook to write all my brilliant ideas in –"

"You're not using my happy face pen!"

"I don't want your stupid pen!" Rodney snapped. He scanned further down the letter then frowned. "Besides, you get your own paper," he said as he pulled out a box of stationery and handed it to John.

John took it. "Hey, this is just like the stuff I used to write Dave when I was in the Academy," he said with a smile. "I used to feel so official when I wrote letters on this, like I was really an officer." He looked up to find Rodney giving him a peculiar, assessing look and he put the box down before rubbing the back of his neck. "So, what else?"

"Just some random, goofy things," Rodney said as he pulled out a round, gold box. "Nesting boxes?" he said, puzzled.

John reached out and pulled the top off to reveal another box inside. "Those are cool," he said appreciatively. "You should give them to Teyla."

Rodney just looked at him. "Stop channelling my sister," he admonished. "That's exactly what she said." He put them to the side and went back to the box, then started snickering.

"What?" John demanded, wanting in on the joke.

Rodney held up a fistful of brightly coloured paper currency that John didn't recognize. He looked closer to see the money had the image of what looked like a Scottish man in a Tam o' Shanter. "What the hell is that?"

"Canadian Tire money!" Rodney cackled. "You know you're Canadian when you have Canadian Tire money in your house!"

"This is a Canadian thing, right?"

Rodney nodded and laughed again, but John just shook his head. Sometimes, Rodney just didn't make any sense at all. John leaned into to snoop and see what was left in the parcel. A red and white patch caught his eyes and he snagged it.

"Hey, look," he said, holding up the Canada Flag patch. "You can replace the one that you tore off your jacket on PX4 721!"

Rodney plucked it from his fingers and put it back in the box. "The SGC can pay for my uniform repairs, thank you very much. That patch is for whatever I decide to put it on."

"Yeah, whatever," John said trying to reach into the box again, but this time, Rodney smacked his fingers.

"Ouch!" he groused, but Rodney just rolled his eyes. He fished through the wrapping materials and then suddenly lit up.

"Sometimes my sister does something right," Rodney said with a grin as he pulled another package out and flashed it at John. "Dal Makhani! Oh my god, I miss Indian food so much, this will be perfect!"

"You are going to share with your team, right McKay?"

Rodney got a cagey look. "Maybe," he said, but John knew that meant 'only if forced'. He decided to up the ante.

"I bet that we could wheedle some of that not-quite-chicken we had in the mess last night out of the cook and pick up some of that creamy sauce that tastes kind of like korma from the Lurians when we're out there tomorrow. If we made some of that up and threw in some of that flaky flatbread the Athosians make, it would be just like naan and Dal and chicken Korma-"

"Okay, okay, if Teyla can get us a huge stack of naan bread, and we can get whip up some not-quite-chicken Korma, I will totally share!"

"You're on, buddy!" John said with a smirk. "And you'll let Teyla dish everyone up, too," he added, chuckling at Rodney's scowl. "Yeah, cuz sharing is more than a teaspoon."

"Fine, "Rodney huffed and turned back to the letter. "So, Jeannie's dong okay, Maddy just did her first dance recital of this year, Kaleb sprained his ankle on the ice, yadda yadda – oh, wait, there's something else." Rodney tossed the letter on the table and dove back into the box, making John laugh as he fished out another item.

"What's that?"

"A CD of some group she likes." He squinted at it for a moment, flipping it over the scan the tracks on the back. "Hmm. Doesn't look totally idiotic. I supposed I could listen to it and see if it's worth the fuss she's making."

John picked Jeannie's letter while Rodney was looking at the CD. He scanned it over then frowned. "What plate?"

"Hmm?"

"It says she sent a copper plate?"

They looked at each other and then back at the box, before John reached in and dug through the packing materials right to the bottom. He could see why they missed it before. He pulled it out and pulled the wrapping material off it. It was a decorative, copper plate, reminiscent of many of the decorative pieces he'd seen in small towns and villages they'd traveled through during away missions.

"Well, what am I supposed to do with that?" Rodney complained.

"Give it to Ronon," John advised.

"Really?" Rodney asked, somewhat dubious. John just nodded.

"Trust me, he'll like it."

Rodney just shrugged and put the plate down. He rifled through the box again. "Huh. Is that it?"

"I think that was plenty, McKay!" John teased.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Rodney said, pulling his hand out of the box and crossing his arms defensively. "I just wanted to make sure I hadn't missed anything else."

"I know what you meant, buddy," John replied with a smile and Rodney relaxed a bit. John suddenly realized that he was actually pretty hungry and it was almost time for dinner.

"What say you get this packed back up and we head down to mess? We can grab some dinner and maybe see if there is any of the not-quite-chicken left?"

Rodney nodded and happily began to pile things back into the parcel which John powered down his laptop. They headed down the hall, walking side by side.

John glanced over at Rodney, who was already waxing on about Athosian Naan bread and speculating whether there was a Pegasus vegetable they could use to make Aloo Gobi, and he decided that maybe he didn't feel like waiting for the fallout to settle after all.

"So, McKay," John said, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Tell me, exactly how is it you ended up wearing eyeliner, anyway?"

He listened to Rodney splutter and smiled. Oh yes, the this was gift that would truly keep on giving, and the fallout was going to be *spectacular*.


End file.
